April/May Challenge – Mow Money

Subject: Add Some Humor
Setting: Any
Time Period: Any
Length: 500 Words
Restrictions: None
Due: Next Month

Thank you Stephen for setting this challenge up.

It has been a while but I am pretty much set up here in Japan. I still do not have home internet nor TV…. but when you live in Japan you just need to learn how to “gaman” (settle for the lowest possible result).

I’ve missed not writing as much as I use to, so I am back at it. This is a real life story (kind of) of the real person (sort of) named Evets Relhots. Inspired by real life events…

 


This was it! This was the day Evets was finally going to buy it. He can finally make the purchase he had been saving for since …  well forever. His knees were shaking as he carried all his money into the store in his pockets. He was not nervous, his legs just shook a lot. A salesman rushed to greet him, but Evets held up his hand and curled his lips so much out of spite that his lips almost touched his nose. He knew what he wanted and he didn’t need some young-in trying to slick sell him something else.

“Begone,” he said under his breath allowing his lips to take their natural position of slightly hanging off to the right.

“Be sure to let me know if you need me,” the salesman said, walking away.

Evets ignored the man and walked right to the red beauty. He admired its wheels all shiny and new. He bent down and looked at his reflection shining back at him in the shiny red surface. Evets licked his lips and ran his tongue around the three teeth in his mouth. He looked over the price sticker counting his money in his mind ensuring he had enough to finally buy it. He started thinking of all the place he could go with his new wheels and how all the chicks in the neighborhood would likely be knocking on his door when they see the white walls on the tires.

“Engine,” Evets muttered under his breath as though his mouth was telling his brain what he had forgotten to remember.

Evets looked over the engine carefully knowing the engine was the most important part of this purchase. He noticed the thing-a-mc-bob and the turner-oner-thingy and ran his fingers down the thingy-mcdoodle.

“Yep, engine’s in fine shape,”  he said to himself nodding his head with his arms folded across his chest.

“Sir, can I help you,” A female voice called out.

“Whaow! Where’d you come from?” he asked, turning to see a young lady with blonde hair almost as long as his own white hair.

“Do you need help or not,” she asked again.

Evets stood up as straight as he could with his arched back and bad knees and looked the little younger in the eyes … that were above his own. “I’ll take this red little beauty today,” Evets said with pride.

“Cash or will you be charging this to your card?”

Evets fumbled in his pockets taking out several coins and crumpled up bills. “I’ve got it all right here, little lady. Now you just go get me the keys and I drive this thing home.”

“Umm, right.” She said taking the money from his hands as Evets dug back into his pockets for more.

An hour later when Evets finally unloaded the wealth from his pants, a very tired saleswoman said, “here you go,” handing Evets the receipt.

Evets was so excited, he took that receipt from her hands and jumped straight in the air a few inches. He looked back over to his red beauty and said, “I’m taking you home, baby.”

With a smile as wide as his face, Evets pushed his new lawn mower back home.

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